After looking at some of my old posts I think I am starting to understand. I prayed and prayed for over a year. I thought if I did this or that or because I did this or that, that explained why I wasn't getting pregnant. I try so hard to control everything, thinking if I don't worry enough it won't seem important. Now presented with an awesome opportunity I have applied to graduate school (currently praying for the money for that!). Let the worrying begin! But this time I have started with a new prayer, not let this go well for me, let me have it. Rather yet, I pray the prayers I think I have started to understand. Just as I started to change my prayer for a baby from give me to help me to understand my plan. Realizing that I can't control everything (if you doubt this, see future posts concerning $300.00 car seats, insane requirements for childcare providers, not having a pool, requiring dear husband to go out in groups while he is out of town.) So I am not saying I am cured of worry(by any stretch, believe you me), but I am starting to understand, perhaps I am not in control as much as I think.
Maybe all this busyness of new baby, 3 year old, weekend school, papers, projects, et cetera have helped to relinquish some of my insanity. Not feeling so anxious when the sink isn't empty at the end of the night or when said 3 year old is covered in blue finger paint (while wearing a solid white uniform shirt!). Wondering how it is possible that a 3 year old can spill an entire glass of water but you don't seem to find it until you are wearing fresh, clean socks. Wondering if I will ever have clean floors in this century. But alas, I digress.
Really it is my mission to not feel the need to worry about everything and instead pray and let it go and include those that will help me reach my goal and pass up those who don't. Mmmm, now if only I could do that fully.
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